I figured out what this feels like the movie The Mask with Jim Carey. Let me explain…the character, a wuss, finds this mask and miraculously it morphs him into this cartoon character having powers and moves and funny lines he’s always wished for and he saves the day and gets the girl. But like all things too good to be true he must take off the mask and get rid of it and go back to his real life so much the wiser, stronger and he still gets the girl.
As the chemo drugs spread I begin to get a headache or not so much a headache a discomfort starting at the top of my head moving down to my eyes, jaws then moving to my shoulders and chest. Like wearing a tight fitting mask and suit, like the one worn in The Mask. The mask give Jim the alter ego he’s always desired and been afraid to release and hiding behind the mask, whooohooo freedom; in the end knowing he must dig deep and be a different better person.
The chemo mask and suit gives me, all new and exciting powers of super nausea, the need to take many drugs to cope, fatigue, bone pain, anorexia, confusion and a little loss of balance. But in the end I get to take off the mask and suit (finish the chemo) have surgery, 6 more years of a chemo drugs of one type or another, more like a small inconvenience than a tight fitting mask and suit…and hopefully be cancer free.
Amazing with chemo brain I can still think of all this crazy stuff.