A recipe for living with cancer.

Posts tagged ‘service’

Out of My Control

Tom needs a haircut.  I know this because I can look at his hair and it’s getting a bit messy and long and a bit uneven.  Duh.  When I suggested he get a haircut this week he said he was to busy, he’s going out of town, and he’d try to get it done before surgery next week.

I stopped and thought OMG it’s next week.  Totally consumed with this surgery for the last 10 months I was surprised when a slight shiver when up my spine when he said, next week.  A gnawing sense this is unmistakably a huge decision layered with all kinds of self doubt, self worth and self confidence issues has not been lost on me.   Once again I am in a situation where I have no control.  I have done everything I can to be physically fit and healthy for the surgery, gotten everything in order at home-  OK, not the office, the office is still a mess- and should be fully prepped and ready to go. Stand like Wonder Woman! Be bold, fake it till you make it.

I have been behaving like a pregnant woman during her last month of pregnancy, nesting.  Getting everything ready so we don’t have to think about or worry about things during my recovery. Control, huh.

Get the furnace its seasonal service- check; get the water system outside buttoned up for the winter, check, no un-check missed the guy, reschedule; get a new cleaning lady, check; get out my winter clothes and put away my summer, check; get out winter blanket, check; prep garden for winter, check; bring in last of seasons harvest, almost check, there is still some oregano and thyme out there. I even cleaned the two year buildup of dust and dirt around the motor of the refrigerator.

I have scheduled a cookie baking night and the kids are coming for the weekend and will help with a few other things on my list, so we should be good to go.  I think I am ready, out of control, but ready.

Mom always said do not waste your energy worrying about the things you cannot control and this last year and a half has been one long -out of my control- journey.  This is the final leg and once done I can redirect my energy and thoughts to other things.   Right now, Tom needs a haircut.

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