A recipe for living with cancer.

Posts tagged ‘cookies’

To Be Brutally Honest…

I have had time to calm down about my lipid levels.  After two days of being a strict vegan, eating no sugary products (cookies) and drinking no alcohol, I have honestly looked at the last couple months and my eating patterns.  And I have to be honest with myself.  Yes over those months I have been getting back to being a vegan or veganish (a vegan who eats fish!) and yes I have avoided dairy most of the time.  But when we go out to eat I will often have a veggie wrap – it has cheese , or a salad-it has feta, sometimes parmasean, or cavitelli -made with ricotta -so there have been many times when the healthy vegetarian option I am eating has fat in it.  We stopped eating at Dinette, my Hubbie’s fav restaurant, because there was nothing I could eat there when I was being strictly veganish.  I once ordered one of their pizzas without cheese…oh my…cardboard.  So in the past couple of months we’ve gone back there and I’ve eaten the pizza with cheese, but only a little, HA!  What was going on?

I was entitled.  I have breast cancer and made it through chemo, surgery and radiation and — well, I deserve to eat some stuff.  I maintained my weight, was feeling great, so my cheating, if we can even call it that, was not only justified but helping me get back to a normal life.  My chocolate cookies may also have had a bit to do with my LDL and cholesterol increase.

In the last two months I have perfected my vegan chocolate chocolate cookies (my son has named them “the cookie from heaven”).  And to be honest, I have eaten at least one every day for probably a month straight, some days more. One must taste test in order to ensure the product is worthy!  Even though vegan, there is sugar and a small amount of fat, but small amounts add up.  And sugar is one of the culprits that will increase LDL.

But how could I resist these cookies, part brownie part cookie and vegan ?

cookie

Or these my son made?

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Here is the recipe in case you’d like to try them:

Triple C-Chocolate Chocolate Cookies

or The Cookie from Heaven

In bowl of mixer Cream until fluffy

6 T room temp vegan margarine (I use Earth Balance)

scant 1/2 cup white sugar

scant 1/2 cup brown sugar (scant just means don’t fill to top)

Add to bowl and blend:

4 T applesauce

In microwave melt:

1/2 cup dark chocolate (I use El Rey 70+%)

Add 1/4 cup good cocoa powder and mix directly into melted chocolate

Add chocolate mixture to bowl and blend well.

Add to bowl:

1 cup minus 1 T APF (all purpose flour) If dough to stiff, remove another T next time.

1/4 tsp baking soda

Blend and add 1 cup chocolate chips/chunks or bits.

Scoop a walnut sized ball for 2″ cookies.  Place on parchment covered cookie sheet and bake at 350 for 8-12 minutes.

You want these cookies to be set but still soft in the center so depending on your oven it can take anywhere from 8-12 minutes.  This makes about 15 3″ cookies or 24 2″ cookies.

I have added extra white chocolate chips to the batter, also walnuts.  I love nuts and walnuts are so healthy and have good fat and not in a chocolate cookies would be even healthier LOL!  The cookies are very delicate when hot out of the oven but once they set they are between cookie and brownie.  They freeze well and taste yummy frozen too!  So to be brutally honest, I know why my cholesterol and LDL levels went up, but I sure enjoyed all those cookies along the way! Now, moderation.

History Repeats

This was cookie weekend, a family tradition started 65 years ago when my parents were poor and needed an additional source of income.  Mom was a great baker and folks loved her cookies so she started baking and selling boxes for extra cash.  As things got better financially Mom kept baking cookies, but instead of selling them they became gifts at the holidays for my Dad’s clients.  It was well known at the annual Hotel/Motel show in New York City to stop by Berkowitz’s booth to get some of Raynor’s homemade cookies-to a small child growing up she was famous!

My Mom could do anything she was invincible, she could cook, bake, sew, paint, garden, work, do math, and live with my father, she was my hero. When my father told me she had breast cancer my world stopped.  My mother, best friend, confident, teacher, person who I could always make giggle, was 60 and sick, suddenly my life was out of control.  Control– we all try to control that which happens in our home lives our work lives, without control there is chaos.  How do we react when control is taken from us grasping to make sense out of the uncontrollable?  I stopped eating it was the only thing I could control.  I got very thin.

History repeats.

As cookie weekend unfolded I watched all the “kids” and looked at Miriam and how wonderful she looks captured me.  She is a beautiful person, smart, kind and generous and she looks terrific.  I felt a kind of deja vu, I’d been here before.  Yes, cookie weekend has been going on pretty much unabated for the last 40 or so years but there was something else.

My Mom and I were both diagnosed with cancer at sixty.  During this crisis I lost weight and now so has Miriam.  Coincidence or history repeating itself or is it one in the same?  I am not looking for some grand meaning in the coincidence, no irrevocable links of fate, bad karma, or premonition of what the future holds.  I was simply struck this weekend, surrounded by family and thousands of cookies,  I flashed back 30 years.  A similar cookie weekend, kids all around, my Mom recovering from cancer surgery, cookies everywhere and me 50 lbs. lighter and looking pretty good and feeling great.

I think I am jealous.  I want to be thin again, cancer free, looking great, feeling great. I also want the future for my daughter to be cancer free; I don’t want history to repeat.

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