I sit exhausted, fingers and hands itchy, dry mouth, finger tips sore but not to sore to type, Sophie at my feet and the sun streaming in the window. It is a bluebird sky as Josh sees so many mornings in Jackson and the leaves are turning lovely hues of yellow, orange, red and according to Zelda, some even turn blue! I’ve had 60 autumns so far in my life, how lucky I am. The crisp air the hint of snow to come and the question popped into my head, what would I be doing today if I did not have Cancer. What a great question.
Would I be out walking the dog, getting ready to teach a class, helping out at the new kitchen of the environmental school, going on an excursion with a friend, a road trip with Cindy, would I be sitting writing on my blog? This is the second time in my life where I walked to the precipice and jumped and each time something pulled me back from finishing the jump. The jump was to a new opportunity where I could fulfill myself, do what I love and maybe even make a bit of money. But each time life stepped in and held something else, something I needed to do, something cajoling me to put off the jump. Since timing in life is everything one might venture the timing was perfect, neither time did I take the opportunity to accept the job, nor apply for the job I guess I could have, but to what end. I was not employed either time and I was able to put my full being and strength into the task in front of me.
It may be a moot point even asking what I might be doing today, for if I believe in fate which I do, this is what I would be doing because I do have Cancer and this is my path. I marvel at women and men who have full-time jobs and manage through chemo treatment. I find their strength and resolve to do it all far beyond my capabilities. I am not taking care of a family, a job, a home, I am just taking care of me, again, how lucky I am. I have a wonderful husband and family and friends who even help me take care of me. I do have Cancer and this is what I am doing today I am surviving.