I have two Taxetere infusions left and although this feels like I am coming to the end I am merely coming to another beginning. This is the first hurdle and possibly the most difficult but it is by no means the end. By Thanksgiving my body will start ridding itself of the toxic chemo drugs and I will start to feel better, perhaps even normal, by Christmas they should be out of my system, at least these drugs will be out of my system. I will still be going back every three weeks for a year to get an infusion of the antibody herceptin whose side effects may be considered nothing when compared to these others.
I will still go every three weeks, get my blood drawn, have an IV put in my arm/hand, and sit for an hour or so while the drug infuses into my body. Will I still have breast cancer? I will sit with other women who are starting the process, losing their hair, throwing up, feeling ill and frightened and alone and we will all still have breast cancer. I will go for surgery to have tissue removed to ensure no wayward cells are left to infiltrate again and become “invasive”, and there will possibly be radiation to root out those last few microscopic cells that somehow eluded the grasp of the toxic mixes and we will all still have breast cancer. And then there is the pill I will take for five years to hunt down any estrogen lurking in the recesses of my cells and prevent its explosion, and we will all still have breast cancer. It may be at bay for years, it may be “gone” but until we know why it happened, what caused it, what triggered it we will all still have breast cancer. So is it ever over?