A recipe for living with cancer.

Do I Have to Go?

The night before chemo is filled with fear, resignation and intimidation. It reminds me of being 12 and going to a new school and not being able to sleep the night before. Who will be my friend, how will I find my class, will the teachers like me, will the work be to hard, or to easy, and who will I sit with at lunch and I hope Mom didn’t pack me tuna fish for lunch cause then I will smell all day …and what should I wear?

This morning I was struck by the glorious day, the sun was bathing the raspberries gently encouraging them to grow and plump and pink.  A clan of chunky fuzzy bumblebees were merrily singing and dancing berry to berry tickling out the last sweetness of the summer. A red berry peeked out of one of the branches calling my name-eat me Barb before you don’t want to eat and before I fall to the ground.

Then suddenly without warning I turned 12.  I turned to Tom and blurted “can I stay home do I have to go.  Please please please let me stay home.” I laughed, he smiled and we walked silently to the car.  I shouldn’t be so worried, THIS IS NUMBER FOUR AND I AM HALF WAY DONE  WOOT WOOT! This is the last in this series of four.

What I really need to worry about is the next drug and the new set of side effects.  But there is time for that, now I rejoice in halfway.

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